Fitblgr...?

Confession time.  I'm a fitblgr.  Which is short for 'Fit Blogger'.  Which is short for "Person who runs a Tumblr blog that is trying to lose weight and spends hours looking at unrealistic looking females and bunch of healthy foods."  I don't reblog photos of unrealistic looking woman because I don't want them on my blog.  But I see them.  I see them often.  Sometimes I have to go on a tumblr strike because I realize how bad those pictures make me feel about myself.  Is it bad that I aspire to look like her?

I bet she doesn't even look that way, with photoshop and all of the other image editing tools there are. Yet there is something so appealing about this.

Let's talk about how I should view myself.  The bible says -
Proverbs 3:15 - "She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her."

'Society' says -
"Looks don't matter. It's the soul that counts. Ect."

How I actually feel -
I love myself.  I think that I'm very unique, very caring, intelligent, fun, and passionate.  I have been blessed with many things.  When it comes to dating though, I don't feel desired.  People say that looks don't matter, but they do.  The difference between a good friend and a lover is that you're attracted to each other.  You have to have the desire to kiss and hold the person you are dating.  Looks do matter. Note, I think I have a beautiful face.   I just don't have the body.

So I eat healthy.  I go to the gym.  Two years and I've only lost 40lbs.  Which is a different struggle to speak of.  This is the first thing I've decided to do that didn't happen when I said it would happen.  Which is weird because it's the only aspect in my life that I have complete control over.  I joined a community that helps motivate me.  It does that well.  It motivates me.  I also know that when I start desiring unrealistic things that I need to not be on that site any more.

I kept searching for a point to this blog post.  Some wrap up thought that summed all of my opinions together.  I don't think that I have one.  I have many thoughts about how sad it is to see how many girls on that site don't love themselves. I have thoughts on how sad it is that the media directly correlates weights to beauty.  I have thoughts on how I feel that my lack of all things romantic directly correlates to my weight.  Each one of those things could be a post in its self.

I think the soul point of this post is to be a foundation for future conversations about my weight.  It is the biggest thing I struggle with and I put a lot of thought and energy into it. I'm sure it'll be a topic of conversation in my blogging future.