I Hate You

I'm not typically a liar.  I used to be.  I used to lie for no reason.  Silly, stupid, pointless lies that I made up on the spot and was always able to remember.  My dad would ask what I watch on TV and I would say Nickelodeon instead of Disney. My friend would ask what I had for lunch and I'd say turkey when it was really ham.  I never knew why I did it, I just did.  

At the start of college I made a radical change.  I also don't know why I did this.  There was no reason, no conviction, it just happened.  I told the truth about everything.  If I accidentally told a friend that I only slept for four hours last night, when it was really five, I'd text them apologizing for lying and tell them the truth.  

I like to believe that I have a healthy balance between the two extremes now.  

You're probably wondering what my title has to do with this post, since I've managed to diverge onto a completely different topic.  My opening line was going to be, "I'm not typically a liar, but this is one of the biggest lies I tell.  And I say it daily."  So let's start over, shall we?

I'm not typically a liar, but this is one of the biggest lies I tell.  And I say it daily.  

I hate you.

Every time I am talking about a boy and every time it's a lie.  I don't really hate them.  I hate the fact that they possess qualities that make them wonderful and that they aren't interested in me romantically.  There is a general theme to the men that I 'hate'.  I playfully say that there are certain traits that men cant possess unless they plan to marry me. 

When it comes to looks these traits are - glasses, facial hair, athletic, jeans and a white shirt, jeans and a button up shirt. 

When it comes to personality these traits are - having God at his center, being protective of me, having a passion, the ability to be playful and serious, honesty. 

I thought of this because recently a boy texted me being very protective and I looked at my phone and audibly said, "I hate you." Obviously the people around me were very confused.